Fictional Bigfoot Poems

Despite 75,000 alleged sightings,
I know why Bigfoot stays undercover.
He’s seen the movie King Kong, and
knows what happened to him.

Bob Boyd

Milly posted her solo camping trips on YouTube,
and she was highly skilled.

But as a friend of hers who wasn’t into camping
and worried about her being alone in forests,

I said to her you might be putting yourself in
danger, camping all alone.

She said she had no worries and that she was
always alert and careful.

But one night her confidence was crushed when
a serial killer had secretly stalked her

and broke into her tent while she slept, seized
her and dragged her out of her tent,

but fortune was with her as she screamed that
terrifying night.

A deep guttural growl stopped the serial killer
who looked behind himself just as a bigfoot

grabbed him, and he was the one screaming
seconds before his wicked life was crushed out of him.

Milly had run off shocked and terrified she’d also
be slaughtered by the Bigfoot

until she heard the Bigfoot’s voice inside her head,
assuring her he was only there to protect her,

and as she looked back at him, he smiled warmly and
then vanished.

Milly thinks Bigfoot protected her that night because
she’s a fan of his with a lot of Bigfoot memorabilia.

Perhaps she was right, but in case she was wrong,
she never solo camped again.

Bob Boyd

First the Aliens created Yeti as an experiment
and dropped him into the Himalayas.

Satisfied with that success, they created
the cryptid known as Bigfoot, a different
variety of Yeti, darker in color and
designed to live in a less severe climate.

They deposited him into a forest in North
America. The experiment a success, they
created hundreds more and settled them
in forests all over North America.

Because they wanted to keep Bigfoot safe from
hunters and those who would try to capture
him, they tweaked him with the ability to move
in and out of dimensions instantly, which is why
no one has killed or captured a Bigfoot to
this day, despite all the fake sightings
and conspiracy theories.

Bob Boyd

Hiking near the Rio Grande
And had my Clock 20 handy
In case some big unhinged bear
Charged at me out of his liar
The day was quiet and peaceful
Being in nature felt so blissful
Suddenly something was afoot
I turned around and saw Bigfoot
He said to me, “Are you okay?”
I froze too scared to run away
And too scared to pull out my glock,
Too frightened to shoot, and in shock.
Lost my mind, passed out completely
Came to with Bigfoot over me
Looking as big as an oak tree
He helped me up from the ground
Smiled and asked me to hang around
Said okay since he meant no harm
His manner as soothing as balm
We talked and he said crazy things
Like there were aliens with wings
Then all of a sudden he sings
Becomes an alien with wings.
And said it’s time for me to go
And down came a big UFO
He got in it and waved goodbye
And disappeared into the sky.

Bob Boyd

I caught a glimpse of Bigfoot outside my kitchen window;
He’d been messing with my chickens again.
Fifteen gone in nearly a week since he appeared at my farm.
I grabbed my Mossberg 500 shotgun and ran after him.
He stopped, turned around, smiled at me, and gestured for me to shoot.
Frightened and furious, I nervously took aim and pulled the trigger.
Before the shot hit him, Bigfoot vanished like a ghost.
I stood astonished wondering how he vanished and where he went.
A moment later, I heard a monstrous laugh and felt a hairy slap on my face.
I saw no sign of Bigfoot. He’d truly become like a ghost.
I ran in my house like a sprinter racing to the finish like.
I bolted all the doors, locked all the windows, but Bigfoot didn’t try to break in,
And I never saw him again after that. Maybe he couldn’t get un-vanished.
I reported the incident to the Greensboro police. I could see their smirks
And their yeah sure attitudes. I knew they thought I was nuts.
And now many people in Greensboro who heard about my sighting on the news
Think I’m a kook or a liar and jokingly call me Bigfoot Bob Boyd.

Bob Boyd